


Color The World

by basil_leaf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Artist Jessica, Baker Gabriel, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Law Student Sam, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Sam Winchester Big Bang 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 09:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10273736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basil_leaf/pseuds/basil_leaf
Summary: Sam meets Jessica early in their freshman year at Stanford and his world is suddenly brighter.  When he loses her during their senior year, Sam’s life is plunged back into grayscale.  With the help of his family and friends, Sam starts to get his life back together.  He works and travels with Dean, restoring classic cars, and eventually meets Gabriel but struggles to let the other man in.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Series Warnings: Soul mate AU, fluff and angst (50/50 split), major character death, fire/arson, mention of suicide (no suicidal ideation, though), depression, internalized homophobia, cursing
> 
> A/N: Here’s chapter 1! It's a little bit of kid!fic to set things up but Sam's in his 20s by the end of this chapter.

“Tell me more!” Sam practically squealed.

Dean was 12 now and had started learning about colors at school. He’d made an offhand comment about it and suddenly found himself teaching his 8 year old brother a lesson on something that he himself knew very little about.

“Um, Mom used to say how pretty they are,” he told his brother. “She told me that my eyes are green and your hair is brown.” Most kids had a little bit of knowledge about colors from their parents but, beyond what he had just shared, Dean didn’t know much. He had been lucky, at least compared to his brother, to have a few years with his mom and dad in love and seeing things in color. But when Sammy was only six months old, their mom had died and their dad lost his colors. Dad had never wanted to talk about them after that.

“Why doesn’t Dad ever talk about colors?” Sam wondered, as if he were reading Dean’s mind.

“Well, you get your colors when you meet your soulmate,” Dean reminded his brother. “Mom and Dad were soulmates. When Mom died, Dad’s colors went away.”

“Oh,” Sam said thoughtfully. “Thinking about colors probably makes Dad feel sad.”

“Yeah, I think it does,” Dean replied. His brother was such a smart kid and he consistently made Dean proud with his intelligence and intuition. 

“Could Dad ever get his colors back?” Sam asked.

“I dunno, maybe.” They hadn’t learned about that in class but there were still another few days of colors classes. Everyone learned about it in school when they were 12 or 13 even though most people wouldn’t find their soulmates until they were older. There was one kid in Dean’s class who said that one of his parents was 14 and the other was 16 when they met, though. Dean wasn’t too worried about meeting his soulmate, yet. His teacher said that the average age for meeting your soulmate was around 25 years old but that was 13 years away; no need to worry about something that seemed like it would take forever.

It looked like Sam was going to ask another question but their dad called them for dinner and they both scrambled down to the kitchen for burgers.

—-

Sam was excited. He was about to start his colors classes. He’d made Dean tell him a lot when he was younger but he’d grown up reading all kinds of stories about people meeting their soulmates and finding their colors. Sam wanted to know everything he could! Sam loved reading and learning and this was the topic he was most excited about. He had even prayed that Dean would meet his soulmate early so that he could tell him more about the colors but Dean was 16 now and still hadn’t gotten them. 

When Sam would get a little overzealous with his questions, Dean would often tell him to “cool it with the chick flick moments,” but Sam would press on until he either wore his brother down or got smacked in the back of the head as Dean walked out of the room. Even Sam’s teachers couldn’t keep up with his demand for information. More than once, his teachers tried to quell his questions with a simple “Sam, no one really knows how soulmates work. It’s a different experience for everyone.” Sam was undeterred, though, and would just come back with more questions and observations during their next lesson on colors.

Sam had only ever asked their dad about it once, on a Friday afternoon when he was in fourth grade. Dean had gone to his friend Benny’s house right after school and wouldn’t be back home until the next morning. Some of the kids at school had been making fun of Sam that day, teasing him because they claimed his clothes didn’t match. Sam wasn’t sure how they would know, they were all too young to have their colors yet. As Sam climbed into the back of his dad’s car, he saw one of the girls who had been particularly mean pointing him out to her dad. The man had a look of pure disgust as he looked Sam over. When he noticed that Sam was watching him, his facial expression changed. The man knew that Sam saw him and understood what was happening and he was… happy about it. It was like he was toying with Sam from across the parking lot. 

After a rough day at school and this weird interaction with his classmate’s dad, Sam didn’t think before he spoke. “Are you ever going to get your colors back, Dad? You’re not even trying to meet someone.”

His dad’s hand froze in mid-air, halfway to turning on the radio, before returning to the steering wheel. They made the ride home in silence, Sam regretting his words and his dad’s grip on the wheel so tight that his knuckles were white. They pulled into the driveway and exited the car. “Dad, I…” Sam began.

“Not now, Sammy,” his dad’s reply was gruff. “Go work on your homework. Dinner’s at 6.”

“Yes, sir.” Sam responded quietly.

Sam had never gotten an opportunity to apologize or explain. Dad had ordered pizza for dinner and seemed to be content to pretend that the car ride had never happened. He still regretted the way he had spoken to his father that afternoon. He didn’t regret asking the question, though. He was still curious if someone could get their colors back after their soulmate died and he planned on asking his teacher if it didn’t get covered during their lessons, along with about a hundred other questions he had floating around in his brain.

—-

“Crap,” Sam muttered as he finally got his bearings. It was the second week of classes and he’d somehow gotten himself turned around and ended up on the complete wrong side of campus. It was his freshman year at Stanford and he was still learning the lay of the land. Checking his watch, he knew that if he hustled, he should get to the classroom just in time for the lecture to begin. Lucky for him, this particular professor had a habit of running 2 to 3 minutes late herself. 

Sam booked it across the Stanford campus toward the building that housed the english department. He was a pre-law student but there were certain courses that everyone had to take, regardless of their major, in order to “create well-rounded individuals,” or so his academic advisor had told him. Sam had opted to take his english elective right off the bat and enrolled in a class on mythology and folklore. 

He made it to the classroom door and ducked inside just behind the professor. Looking around the classroom, Sam noticed that the only available desk was right in the front, just off the center row. Generally, he tried to arrive early enough to get a seat in the back of the classroom because he knew no one wanted to sit behind his 6’4” frame. There wasn’t another choice, though, so he slipped into the seat and turned to the person behind him to apologize as the professor gathered her notes and set herself up to begin the class.

The woman seated behind him was very pretty, with light hair and bright white teeth. “I’m so sorry,” Sam started. “I usually wouldn’t sit anywhere near the front but there’s not any other seats.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the woman replied with a flirty smile. “We’ll just have to go somewhere after class so that you can give me all the notes I’m going to miss since I can’t see the board.”

Sam couldn’t believe his luck; was this beautiful woman really asking him out? “That, uh, that sounds like a plan,” he replied lamely. He stuck his hand out to shake hers (smooth, Sam, he chided himself as he did it) and he introduce himself, “I’m Sam.”

The woman looked at his outstretched hand and smirked. “Jessica, but most people call me Jess” she told him and took his hand.

Jess gasped and Sam’s jaw dropped as their hands connected and everything around them changed. Sam wanted to look at everything around him but he couldn’t pull his eyes away from the woman seated behind him and her eyes were locked on his. In his peripheral vision, he noticed a window behind her and just off to the side. Though he hadn’t seen it before, he had always been told that the sky was blue. Jessica’s eyes matched the sky, so they must be blue, too.

By now, the professor was ready to begin the lecture and she cleared her throat, indicating that it was time for the students to pay attention. 

“You’d better take really good notes, Sam,” Jess said with a wink, “because I’m really not going to be able to pay attention to anything she says, now.”

Sam gaped at her but turned around and did his best to focus on his professor and her lecture - something about wendigos or something - and not on taking in the world around him which was now, suddenly, in color.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Series Warnings: Soul mate AU, fluff and angst (50/50 split), major character death, fire/arson, mention of suicide (no suicidal ideation, though), depression, internalized homophobia, cursing
> 
> A/N: Chapter 2! This chapter is all fluff!

This had to have been the longest class of Sam’s life. Usually the lectures about mythological monsters and ancient deities would hold his attention but today nothing the teacher had said was sticking. He looked down at his notebook. The pages were covered with writing. ‘Well, that’s something, at least,’ Sam thought to himself, though he wasn’t sure if his notes made any sense or if they were even close to being correct.

Finally, the professor reached the end of her lecture and Sam felt himself writing down the reading assignment for the coming week, something he always did despite the fact that they were all already listed in the syllabus. “Keep it cool, Winchester,” he muttered under his breath before turning around to face his soulmate again.

Except she was gone. She’d left? 

When? How? Why???

Sam couldn’t believe it and his stomach felt like it dropped into his feet. 

There was a light giggle behind Sam and he whipped around in his chair, nearly falling out of it in the process. The giggling increased to full out laughter as Sam righted himself in his seat. Sam looked up at the woman in front of him and broke into a grin.

Jess stopped laughing with a bit of a gasp and stared at Sam for a moment, a smile forming on her own lips. She reached out a hand to Sam and he took it as he stood and let her lead him out of the classroom. The pair slowly made their way through the hallways towards the building’s exit, taking in everything around them. They stopped once they were outside and Sam scanned the outside world, taking in all of the colors, until his eyes landed on Jessica. He was sure her awestruck look was mirrored on his own face. Everything was so bright and beautiful but the most beautiful sight had to be the woman standing next to him.

Jess turned to Sam with a sly grin. “So, where are we going?”

“I had to pay attention and take notes, knowing the whole time that you were right behind me, AND I had to plan our first date?” Sam joked. He took Jessica’s hand and began leading her through campus. “I had figured we’d just go for coffee so you could get my notes but, well, that just doesn’t seem like enough anymore,” Sam told her.

They walked through campus for a few minutes, starting the process of learning about one another before Sam paused. “Crap, I didn’t even bother asking, what does the rest of your day look like? How much time do we have?”

Sam’s voice was guarded but hopeful and Jess thought it was adorable. She gave his hand a squeeze and replied, “I was supposed to work tonight but I texted my roommate during class and she’s going to cover my shift. I’ve got all the time in the world.” 

The pair continued their journey through campus and Jess had an idea of where Sam was taking her based on the direction they were walking. They were headed toward the medical school but she didn’t think that was their actual destination. Soon enough, the Cantor Arts Center came into view and Jess smiled. They hadn’t even gotten as far as exchanging majors yet and Sam already knew the perfect first date location.

“Sam, this is…” she breathed at the same time that he turned to her to speak.

“I hope this isn’t too weird,” he started, both of them speaking at once. Sam laughed and then continued, responding to Jessica’s comment. “I just thought that art and paintings and stuff would be a whole new experience now that we’ve got colors.”

“It’s perfect, Sam. I’m an art major. After everything changed, coming here was the second thing on my list - right after getting to know you.” Jessica stood on her tiptoes and gave Sam a quick peck on the cheek before she ran up the stairs and into the museum. 

Sam followed close behind, taking the stairs two at a time in order to catch up. They ran through the doors simultaneously, causing the dossant at the desk in the lobby to give them a bit of a glare. Sam and Jessica kept their voices hushed as they made their way through the lobby and into the first room of art but, as soon as the crossed into the smaller room, they both burst into giggles.

They calmed down as they made their way through the first room of art. Paintings were hung on nearly every inch of the wall and the pair took in the colorful works of art. Jess was pleasantly surprised that Sam seemed to want to linger with each painting as long as she did even though, as she found out as they walked through the rooms filled with art, he was a pre-law major and, in his own words, supposedly had “absolutely zero talent for art.” 

Sam was enraptured by each of the paintings and the way the colors evoked thoughts and emotion. Despite only getting her colors a few hours prior, Sam was delighted to learn that Jess knew so much about the hues that they were looking at and he was perfectly content to listen to her tell him about colors and brush strokes she was seeing in each painting. Watching her see each painting through new eyes and hearing her talk about something that she clearly loved so much had Sam’s heart ready to burst with the love he already felt for this woman whom he had only just met this afternoon.

They slowly meandered through the building, taking in room after room of art from around the world and throughout time. They peered into some rooms, deciding quickly to skip them on this trip since they were comprised of black and white photography and sketches. They knew they’d come back another time to properly visit those pieces but, for now, they wanted to keep their focus on the colorful paintings, sculptures, and other similar works. 

They entered another room and Sam’s attention was drawn to one painting in particular. Something about it drew him in, though he wasn’t sure what it was. He walked toward it and noticed that Jessica was still beside him, looking at the same work. There wasn’t anything particularly engrossing about the technique, as far as Sam’s untrained eye could see, but, rather, the colors that the artist had used in the sky had captured Sam’s attention. He had always grown up being told that the sky was blue but this artist, William Keith, had used what Sam had come to learn was orange, yellow, red, and maybe even some pink in the sky. The painting, called “Sunset on Mount Diablo,” was beautiful.

“If that’s what a sunset looks like,” Jessica whispered, “I’d really like to see one.”

Sam checked his watch, they had likely missed tonight’s sunset but they would have a lifetime of sunsets together. 

—–

Sam and Jess finished at the museum soon after seeing Sunset on Mount Diablo. As Sam had guessed, they had missed the sunset but Jessica’s face when she looked up at the darkening blues of the night sky was a mix of amazement and wonder and Sam’s disappointment was short lived.

Sam led Jess to his car, a 1965 Ford Mustang, which she took in with a raised eyebrow.

“My dad restored classic cars,” Sam explained. “My brother and I each worked on one with him in high school.”

“It’s beautiful,” Jess responded, running her hand over the car’s roof.

“Dad was always happiest when he was up to his elbows in engine grease,” Sam said. “I wasn’t as enthusiastic as my brother but we still had fun working on this car and, honestly, my dad and I never got along better than when we were under the hood together.”

Jess could tell that this wasn’t an easy conversation for Sam, so she smiled gently and slid into the passenger seat. “Where to next?” she asked.

Sam was grateful for the change in topic and he climbed in behind the wheel. “You hungry? I thought we could go grab some food.”

“That sounds great,” she replied with a smirk. “Just so you know, I’m a vegan but I only eat Paleo and I think gluten and alcohol are the Devil’s playground.” Jess watched as Sam’s eyes grew wider with each word that came out of her mouth. She managed to keep a straight face while Sam floundered for a response. After a few seconds of him opening and closing his mouth like a fish, she couldn’t keep it up anymore and burst out laughing.

“I’m kidding, Sammy,” Jess assured him.

Sam was about to correct her, years of his brother calling him “Sammy” had made it a reflex but, for some reason, it didn’t bother him coming from Jessica. In fact, it almost felt right. So, instead, he replied, “Oh, ok. Good.” He huffed out a laugh of his own and continued, “I mean we would have figured something out and, don’t get me wrong, I like a salad as much as the next guy, but, yeah, this is easier.”

“All I need is a good burger and I’m happy,” she told Sam truthfully.

“That’s something I think I can manage,” Sam responded as he put the car into gear and pulled out of his parking space.

Jess and Sam engaged in idle chit chat as he drove them to a diner he and Dean had discovered in the next town. Dean had called the burger “an experience” and had already demanded they return the next time he visited.

When they pulled into the parking lot, Sam was shocked by the bright neon lights that adorned the building. It was garish and harsh, yet weirdly beautiful all at once.

Jess watched as the colored lights played across Sam’s skin and hair and reflected in his eyes. She thought, not for the first time, how lucky she was. Jess slipped her phone from her purse and quietly snapped a photo of him. Sam was practically perfect. In their brief time together, Jess had realized how intelligent and curious the man was; how thoughtful and considerate. He had a look of fondness whenever he spoke about his brother, and he was incredibly handsome. And, honestly, she loved how he didn’t really get her sense of humor yet. It made things more fun that way.

They went into the diner and took a booth in a somewhat secluded corner or, at least, as secluded as you could get in a place like this. As they waited for their food, Jess carefully broached the topic of family, again.

“You seem to smile when you talk about your brother,” she observed.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” Sam mused. “It was just me and him a lot of the time when we were growing up. Dad worked a lot and sometimes had to travel so Dean practically raised me. I don’t blame my dad or anything, he was a single parent raising two sons and he did the best that he could.” Sam took a breath, he didn’t want to bring down the mood but now that he’d started talking about his family, he figured he may as well lay it all on the table for Jess. 

As if she had been reading his mind, Jessica reached across the table and held his hand, giving it a squeeze. 

“My dad and I never really saw eye to eye. He was a marine and then a mechanic. He restored classic cars and he was good at what he did, really good. He never went to college and didn’t really understand why I wanted to. I loved school and learning; I would always ask questions or have my nose in a book. Dad would make comments about how difficult it was to get scholarships and, after a while, I realized that was his way of gently trying to tell me he couldn’t afford to send me to college and that he thought I should work on learning a trade. Dean loved the car stuff, just like Dad, so they bonded over that and Dean is just about as in demand as Dad was when it comes to restoring classic cars, now. But that was never me.” Sam was on a roll now. May as well tell this girl exactly how messed up his family was, he figured.

“My mom died when I was about 6 months old; Dean was 4. Apparently, Dad basically shut down after that. He never talked about her except to tell me once that I took after her, that she was always curious and never satisfied with what she knew already - it was never enough. They were soulmates and losing her really took a toll on him and I think the fact that I reminded him of Mom so much made it hard for him to, I don’t know, not get over her but to move past her death, maybe? Does that make sense?”

Jess nodded, despite the fact that Sam wasn’t looking at her as he spoke.

“Anyway, Dad was killed in a car accident last year. We were all in the car; I almost lost Dean, too. A truck basically came out of nowhere and rammed into Dad’s car. The driver was so drunk he didn’t have any recollection of the accident. A week after the funeral, I got my acceptance letter from Stanford, Dad didn’t even know I had applied.”

Sam took a shaky breath, half expecting Jessica to have disappeared again when he looked up from the table.

But she hadn’t, Jess was still there and still holding Sam’s hand, looking at him with a sad smile.

“I’m so sorry, Sam.” Her words were simple but Sam found comfort in them. She squeezed his hand again and released it as the waitress returned with their food.

Grateful for the distraction, Sam shared, “My brother found this spot when he helped me move in. I think he’s had dreams about that burger ever since.” Jess took a bite of the burger and practically moaned around her mouthful, causing Sam to laugh. “I have a feeling you and Dean are going to get along just fine,” he told her.

As they ate, Jess shared some of her life with Sam. She was an only child. Her dad was a lawyer and her mom a nurse and neither of them really understood her “art thing,” as they called it, but they were still pretty supportive of her following her passion. “At least for now,” Jess laughed. “I have a feeling if I’m not a ‘successful artist’ within a month of graduation, they’re going to be on my back about finding a, quote, ‘real job,’ end quote. Especially if I’m supporting your ass through law school.”

Sam laughed along with her, loving everything he was learning about his soulmate. Sure there would be disagreements and bumps along the way, but he was excited about the prospect of experiencing the world and sharing the rest of his life with this woman.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Series Warnings: Soul mate AU, fluff and angst (50/50 split), major character death, fire/arson, mention of suicide (no suicidal ideation, though), depression, internalized homophobia, cursing
> 
> A/N: Chapter 3! This chapter is fluff with the tiniest hint of angst.

Sam and Jess quickly fell into a rhythm. Most days they would meet for breakfast, part ways for their classes and meet up again for dinner, often surrounded by their friends. Tonight around the table were the usual suspects - Sam and Jess along with Charlie, a spunky, nerdy redhead who Jess had met in a graphic design course, Kevin, who Charlie knew from orchestra and had dragged along the first few times because she decided that, with a double major in music and engineering, he needed to get out more and had found that he actually enjoyed himself, and Brady, one of Sam’s pre-law friends. 

Jessica was just sitting down with her cafeteria tray while the others were making plans for the weekend.

“Jess, tell Sammy that it’s ok if you miss out on one date night,” Brady demanded.

“Don’t call me Sammy,” Sam snapped back.

“I will not tell him that. Not without more context, anyway,” Jess responded. Thursday had become Sam and Jessica’s date night. After their shared class, they would spend the evening together, just the two of them, unless Jess had to work, in which case they would get something to eat and then Sam would sit with her at the security desk while she checked keys and id cards and signed in the occasional guest. Sam thought it was hilarious that she worked dorm security but, in reality, she was a glorified hall monitor.

Jess looked at Brady, waiting for the context she had asked for. He was an interesting person. He got along alright with the group but he tended to be demanding, especially when it came to getting attention or to getting his way. Jess had been the only one who’d been able to get him to back down, so far. 

“We were talking about going camping this weekend,” Charlie explained. “Brady wants to leave Thursday afternoon and get an extra day in, but…”

“But Brady and I have class on Friday morning, which he is conveniently ignoring,” Sam interjected.

“I’m more than willing to skip it,” Brady exclaimed.

“Since Brady doesn’t give a rat’s ass about his education, he can’t comprehend why I might care about going to class,” Sam shot across the table, “so, clearly my reason for not wanting to leave on Thursday must be something else and if you decide that we can leave Thursday, it’s completely settled, even though Charlie and Kevin haven’t weighed in on it at all.”

“All I’m saying is you can share Jessica every once in awhile,” Brady said with a slick smile. 

Sam was about to open his mouth again but Jess placed a hand on his thigh and gave it a squeeze before she beat him to the punch, “We can’t leave Thursday. Even if you’re planning on skipping it, Brady, Sam has class in the morning on Friday and, if you had listened to your other friends over the past few weeks, you would know that Charlie and Kevin have an extra orchestra rehearsal this week in preparation for their concert and that rehearsal is on, drum roll please, Thursday evening.”

“Thank you,” Kevin murmured.

“Yeah, thanks,” Charlie echoed. “I’d been trying to remind them of that since I sat down but when these two start arguing it’s almost impossible to get a word in.”

“You know, you and I could go out on Thursday night and everyone else could join us on Friday, Jess.” Brady proposed, still with that smile, the one that made him look almost dangerous, plastered on his face. He was going to be one hell of a lawyer, Jess thought.

Sam had had enough of Brady and slammed his cup down before standing up and walking out of the cafeteria, dropping his tray of mostly uneaten food at the dish station on his way. 

“Why do you push his buttons like that?” Jess asked, as she got up, too, and followed Sam out.

Brady turned back to Charlie and Kevin, who had their displeasure for him written clearly on their faces. “Oh, come on, I was just joking!”

“Jokes are supposed to be funny,” Kevin responded, “and hitting on a guy’s soulmate right in front of him is never going to be funny.”

—-

Jess jogged to catch up with Sam’s long strides and when she came up next to him, she slipped her hand into his.

“You know he just likes to get under you skin,” she said quietly after a few moments of silence.

Sam slowed to a stop and turned to her. “I know. I’m sorry,” he started but Jess interrupted him.

“Sorry for what? For getting upset? For having feelings?” she asked.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted. I’m not apologizing to him, but to you,” Sam explained. “I acted like I own you back there. Storming out like that, basically forcing you to follow me. He was driving me nuts and talking about spending more time with just you before you even sat down, lacing his words with innuendo and stopping just shy of actually admitting he wants to sleep with you and I couldn’t take it anymore. But,” he paused and let out a breath, “I definitely could have handled the situation better.”

“Sam, you didn’t force me to follow you,” Jess replied. “Did you grab my arm and pull me out of there? No. Did you even for a second expect that I would follow you out?” She asked.

“No,” he whispered, “you should have stayed, hung out with your friends and finished your dinner.”

“See, you didn’t force me to do anything,” Jess looked up at him with a smile on her lips as she continued, “and you couldn’t, even if you tried, Winchester. Besides, I don’t think he’d ever try something but Brady was making me uncomfortable, too.” The pair walked in silence for a few minutes, Sam’s fingers lacing through Jessica’s. “Also, I really wanted pizza tonight, anyway.”

—-

Over the next few days, Brady apologized. Sam didn’t think it was particularly sincere but the man had mostly backed off of Jess so he figured he’d take it as a win. They didn’t end up going camping that weekend - the group had come to an unspoken conclusion that it would be way too tense for that - but they did find themselves at a horror movie marathon at a local arthouse theater. 

Sam and Dean had loved these kinds of movies as kids and Sam, being the curious kid that he was, had spent hours upon hours reading about vampires, werewolves, and other monsters and then explaining to Dean how to kill the different creatures the next time they watched horror movies together. 

Jessica, on the other hand, was gripping Sam’s hand so tight that he thought he might have permanent indentations where her nails were digging into his palm. Her face was buried in his shoulder, except for the times when she decided she wanted some popcorn. She blindly reached over toward Brady, who was sitting next to her and had been holding the popcorn he was sharing with Jess and Charlie, who was seated on Brady’s other side. Rather than finding the popcorn, Jess ended up with a handful of Brady’s crotch.

She pulled her hand back quickly and muttered an embarrassed “sorry.”

“If you wanted to hold onto me instead of Romeo over there, you only had to ask, Jessie,” Brady whispered.

Sam and Jess shot him matching glares.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” he said, actually managing to look repentant.

—-

Sam, Jess, and Brady went to the orchestra concert together. None of them were sure of what to expect - Stanford wasn’t exactly known for its music - but Sam and Jess were pleasantly surprised. Kevin played the cello and was so intense about it that Sam was fascinated watching him. Charlie was in the percussion section and looked like she was having the time of her life.

Brady, on the other hand, apparently had been expecting the San Francisco Philharmonic and was sure to let Sam and Jess hear about his disappointment after the concert, though he half heartedly praised the orchestra when Charlie and Kevin joined them in the lobby.

Sam was starting to wonder more and more why he had brought Brady into the group in the first place. He had seemed like a nice guy at first but his sense of entitlement was getting on Sam’s last nerve. Not everyone grew up with rich parents who took them to the opera and symphony or who were bankrolling their education.

Sam was pulled from his thoughts by Charlie’s squeal. “Yes! That’s perfect, let’s go!”

Sam followed the group, unsure of where they were headed. They stopped outside of a familiar building and he smiled, apparently Kevin had suggested they go to the new barcade that had opened near campus. It had everything an average bar would have, drinks, a pool table, and darts, but it also had old school arcade games lining the walls and it was 18+ on weeknights, so they could get in despite not being of legal drinking age, yet.

They spent the night playing Pacman, pinball, and some racing game, along with watching Charlie destroy anyone who would dare challenge her to a game of Mortal Kombat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Series Warnings: Soul mate AU, fluff and angst (50/50 split), major character death, fire/arson, mention of suicide (no suicidal ideation, though), depression, internalized homophobia, cursing
> 
> A/N: Chapter 4! Back to all fluff! Someone breaks their arm but even that’s done in the fluffiest way possible. This is snippets of Sam and Jessica’s college life together.

Like most soulmates, Sam and Jess had become practically inseparable as they learned as much as they could about one another. They explored the world around them together, taking weekend trips and starlit drives in Sam’s mustang. 

On a hike, Jess told Sam about how she’d always wanted to learn to ride a motorcycle and then proceeded to tease Sam about how the helmet would probably ruin his hair. A few weeks later, the pair was in a gallery checking out some local artists and one of the photographs reminded Sam of a story from when he was a kid. He shared the tale with Jess and soon he and his girlfriend were breathless with laughter over the “good luck” Sam had found when his Dad had given him a rabbit’s foot as a kid. 

“So, then Dean managed to convince me that, if you lose a rabbit’s foot, it’s bad luck and it was some self fulfilling prophecy or something because I had the worst luck right after,” Sam shared.

“Oh yeah,” Jess laughed, “like what?”

“We went out to dinner and I noticed the thing was missing while we were there. I knocked over my dad’s coffee and then, on the way out, I slipped and fell on my ass,” Sam huffed.

“That’s not so bad…” Jess interrupted.

“Just wait,” Sam assured her. “Dad was on a restoration job so we were staying in some motel. As soon as I got out of the car, I stepped in some gum in the parking lot and, when I went to scrape it off on a sewer grate, my shoe fell off and went down the drain. I had only brought one pair of shoes on the trip and we were supposed to be there for another two weeks at least.”

Jess was giggling now and Sam paused his story for a moment just to listen to the sound.

“Then, that night, something went wrong with the heater in the motel room and while we were all asleep, the drapes caught fire.” Sam was still laughing but Jess stopped. “The only reason I can laugh is no one was hurt. Dad smothered the fire and the motel’s management gave us the rest of our stay for free in a swanky hotel that they also ran and Dad made sure they serviced all of the other heaters in the place” Sam pushed forward, noticing that Jess was smiling again. “Dad also told them I’d lost my shoes in the fire and I ended up with the nicest pair of sneakers I’ve ever owned. Though, to this day, I’m vaguely afraid of fire,” Sam confessed.

“That’s why you always ask Charlie or me to make your s’mores when we go camping!” Jessica exclaimed. 

—

Sam and Jess were on a picnic when they started talking about the future.

“So, I was pissed that my dad missed Christmas for a job again and I gave his gift to Dean. I’ve never regretted it and I don’t think Dean has ever taken the pendant off.” Sam’s voice was serious and Jess thought she could even hear a sense of reverence.

“As an only child, I’d love for any future kid to have a sibling or two,” Jess said a bit hesitantly, wording her comment carefully.

“I wouldn’t trade my experiences with Dean for the world,” Sam replied quickly. “I’d always kind of pictured my life with at least two kids, eventually.”

Jess smiled up at Sam. “Eventually is right, Winchester. You’ve got a law career to start in order to support my starving artist lifestyle.”

The pair laughed and talked as they ate and drank, goofy grins on both of their faces as they made hypothetical plans for the future. After a lengthy discussion it was agreed, that their future twins would be named either Mulder and Scully or Monet and Manet, both of which had been Jessica’s suggestions that Sam had reluctantly agreed to after missing her dry humor once again.

—

The first time Dean met Jess it went almost exactly as Sam predicted it would. Sam had just picked his girlfriend up from the airport and pulled up outside of his uncle’s house. “So, we’re not actually related. Bobby became a family friend and Uncle Bobby just seemed appropriate when Dean and I were young. Sometimes, Dean and I would stay with Bobby or he’d come down and stay with us when Dad was on a restoration job. We had a home base in Kansas but every couple of months, Dad would have to travel for a job and, as we got older, he would travel more frequently. That’s where Bobby came in.” 

Sam put the car in park and got out, jogging around to open Jessica’s door before she had the chance to do it herself. She laughed to herself at seeing Sam on his best behavior. She stepped out of the car and her laughter was short lived when a large form, though not as large as her boyfriend, pulled her in for a bone crushing hug.

“Jessica!” the man said.

“You must be Dean,” Jess responded “It’s good to meet you, too.” When Dean continued to squeeze her, Jess added, “Can’t… breathe…”

Dean released her with a laugh and a huge grin on his face. “Was that un-embarrassing enough, Sammy?” he asked with a wink. 

After Dean welcomed her to the family, Jess also met Bobby, Ellen, and Jo on this visit. She ingratiated herself to Bobbly immediately when she requested a beer upon arrival and seamlessly fit in with the women when she started sharing some of the more sordid details from stories that Sam was telling, making some of his stories more flattering while, in others, Sam didn’t come out so well.

“Yeah, and then Sammy grabbed his butt and ran out of the room screaming,” Jess laughed finishing one of Sam’s tales for him.

“And I spent the next three days sick as a dog with the stomach flu but no one ever remembers that part of the story…” Sam grumbled, causing Jess to giggle again and lean in to plant a kiss on his cheek.

—

Sam’s first introduction to the Moores didn’t go quite as smoothly but he couldn’t blame her parents for looking out for their daughter. The initial meeting was tense and took place in the parking lot of a restaurant. Jessica’s father looked Sam up and down as they shook hands.

“Daddy, be nice,” Jessica instructed.

With a final glance at Sam, her dad replied, “when am I not nice, princess?”

Jess broke into a smile and dashed into her father’s arms. She was a daddy’s girl through and through and wanted her father to like her soulmate more than anything in that moment. 

Once Jess and her dad broke apart and Sam was introduced to her mom, they made their way inside the restaurant. It was fancier than Sam was used to but Jess had helped him get ready for the evening so he, thankfully, didn’t feel out of place. 

Once they were seated, the group fell into an awkward silence. Jess tried to fill it with stories from school with Sam doing his best to contribute, but the conversation felt forced and Sam couldn’t help but feel there was an axe hanging above his head that would come crashing down with one wrong move or mischosen word. 

“So, Sam,” Jessica’s mom began during a lull in the conversation, “tell us more about you and your family.”

“Well, ma’am, it’s just my brother, Dean, and I. Mom died when I was a baby and my dad passed away right before I got into Stanford,” Sam responded. “Dean’s a mechanic, one of the best in the business. He restores classic cars and is in pretty high demand. Took the business over from our dad when he passed.”

“Ah, a family of mechanics. That would explain the Mustang, at least,” Jessica’s dad interjected. “I thought it might be a rental in an attempt to impress me.” Sam couldn’t read Mr. Moore’s voice.

“No, sir. Dad taught me a thing or two about being under the hood of a car and we restored her together when I was in high school. He worked on a ‘67 Impala with my brother.” Sam didn’t particularly enjoy or want to talk about cars but if it’s what he had in common with Jessica’s dad, he’d make it work.

“And what are you here studying, Sam?” Mr. Moore asked.

“Law. Well, pre-law.” This was a topic that Sam was much more comfortable with and, seeing that his response seemed to surprise his soulmate’s dad, one that he dove into head first. “I’m at Stanford on a full academic scholarship as a pre-law major. I’d love to go into family law, helping kids who are in bad situations, you know?”

Jessica’s dad nodded, mulling Sam’s words over before he spoke. “I’ve got some great connections in that world, Sam. I’ll have to introduce you some time. And if you ever decide you’re interested in criminal law, you be sure I’m the first to know.”

Sam could feel Jess relax next to him as he, too, breathed a sigh of relief. It would seem that he had passed whatever test her dad had planned. “Thank you, sir. Though, I have to be honest, you’ll be the second to know. It seems that Jess is the first one to hear all of my news these days.”

—

Over the next three years, holidays and summers were split between Sam’s family in North Dakota and Jessica’s in Southern California. The time in between, however, belonged to them and their friends. Sam, Jess, Brady, Kevin, and Charlie would go on hikes and camping trips together, they would play video games and board games together and they always made it a big deal to celebrate birthdays and milestones together. 

For Jessica’s birthday one year, Sam and the rest of the gang surprised her with a vintage motorcycle experience. They drove out to a closed track where they learned about the mechanics of riding and the history of the bikes. Then they had an opportunity to ride.

Jess turned to Sam with a look of pure joy on her face when she heard they were headed to the track to do some laps on the motorcycles. “How did you know?” she asked, awe and wonder coloring her voice.

“You told me you’d always wanted to learn to ride, right after we met,” Sam reminded her.

“I can’t believe you remembered! I don’t even remember telling you,” Jess laughed. She was so full of joy and excitement as the quintet followed the instructor, Dorothy, out to the course. Sam smiled, and grabbed her hand.

“I haven’t even told you the best part, yet,” he informed his girlfriend. “Apparently, I’m too big for anyone on the staff to counterbalance while we ride so you get to take my place and go twice.”

Jessica’s face fell a little. “You don’t get to ride?”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Sam assured her. “I grew up around cars and mechanics and all this kind of stuff. I’ve been on a bike before.” Sam kissed pulled Jess in for a hug and kissed her forehead. “You’re going to love it.”

Since it was her birthday, Jess got to ride first and she and Dorothy took off around the track. When they returned to the group, Sam could see the light and elation in Jessica’s eyes and he couldn’t help but fall even more in love with her. 

Once her feet were back on the ground, Jess ran over to Sam and flung herself into his arms. “That was amazing!” she exclaimed. “You are amazing! Thank you so much!” She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Sam’s lips before turning back to watch her friends have a chance to ride around the track, too.

Kevin and Brady both rode with little incident but when it was Charlie’s turn, things went a little pear shaped. Charlie climbed onto the bike and wrapped her arms around Dorothy, who was dressed in simple, vintage clothes to match the bike. The motorcycle shot off onto the course but at the first turn, the bike wobbled and Charlie and Dorothy were both thrown onto the grass in the center of the track. 

The four friends standing at the starting point sprinted over to them, Jess pulling out her cell phone in case they needed to call for emergency services. Luckily, when they arrived at the crash site, both women seemed to be more than okay. They had landed on top of one another in some soft grass and their helmets, pants, and jackets had kept most of the potential injuries at bay. Charlie was now sitting, straddling Dorothy’s hips and pulling off her helmet while Dorothy scrambled to do the same. When both women’s heads were free, they just stared at one another.

“You guys ok?” Kevin asked tentatively.

“Yeah,” Dorothy breathed at the same time Charlie responded, “Never Better,” smiles growing on both of their faces.

“What’s going on, guys?” Sam asked but Jessica elbowed him in the gut. 

When he turned to look at his girlfriend with a question written across his face, Jess mouthed, “Soulmates” and Sam realized what was happening. 

“Right after we started riding, everything got really blurry,” Dorothy started explaining.

Charlie cut her off and added, “yeah! And then there was a flash and BOOM! Colors!”

“Wait, you… and her?” Brady asked, his voice skeptical. 

His question was answered when Dorothy sat up, Charlie still in her lap, and kissed the redhead. Dorothy’s hands landed in Charlie’s hair and one of Charlie’s hands ended up on Dorothy’s cheek. The other was cradled gently against her body. When Dorothy’s hands wandered down wards, first to Charlie’s shoulders and then running down her arms, Charlie gasped and pulled back, pain written on her features. 

“I think we should be getting you to the hospital, Char,” Kevin observed, his eyes having turned back to the couple at the sound of his friend’s pain.

“I’ll take her, if it’s alright,” Dorothy offered, looking to Charlie for confirmation. “You guys were the last group of the day. One of the office guys can take care of the putting the bike away.” 

Charlie nodded, not trusting her voice now that she was feeling the pain of what was likely a broken arm but also not wanting to have to leave Dorothy just yet.

“You call us as soon as you know anything,” Jess demanded and Charlie nodded again allowing Sam to scoop her up off of Dorothy’s lap and set her down on her feet, careful to not jostle her arm.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Series Warnings: Soul mate AU, fluff and angst (50/50 split), major character death, fire/arson, mention of suicide (no suicidal ideation, though), depression, internalized homophobia, cursing
> 
> A/N: Chapter 5! Well, it had to happen eventually, the angst is here and it’s going to settle in and stay for a little while. But at least the chapter starts fluffy, right? RIGHT???

Thanksgiving was approaching and, right after the short break, finals would be following hot on its heels. Sam and Jess didn’t see too much of their friends this time of year. Kevin would lock himself in a practice room alternating between playing his cello and studying his engineering books, his double major really taking it’s toll at finals time. Charlie and Dorothy were easier to find time with but between increased work at the track during the holidays and Charlie’s finals, they were difficult to nail down, too. Brady had started to pull away from the group after Charlie and Dorothy had met one another. Sam thought it was because he and Kevin had never really been close and Brady felt out of place without a soul mate. The only one in the group he still regularly texted was Jess and Sam saw him every now and again when she would invite him to join them for a meal.

Sam was already starting to stress about his finals, even though Jess would frequently point out that his grades were stellar. It wasn’t just finals that had Sam on edge, though. He was waiting for the results of the LSAT and Jess had been working on her pieces for her senior gallery show that was set to open just after the holiday. 

Sam came in from a study group at the library to find Jess waiting in the entryway for him, giddy and practically bouncing. She had an envelope clutched in her hands and she thrust it towards Sam as soon as he walked through the door. He took the envelope from her and examined it. 

“My scores,” he said, his voice unreadable, “they’re here.” Sam stared at the envelope for a few more seconds. Now that the scores were here, he was more nervous than he had been when he was just waiting. He’d worked so hard over the past four years. What if he hadn’t done well? What would he do with himself then? He supposed he could always go back and work on the cars with his brother but that had never been his dream…

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Jess inquired, pulling Sam from his thoughts.

“What? Oh, yeah.” Sam ripped a corner off of the envelope and then slid his finger down the top seam. He steeled himself as he drew his score sheet from the envelope and unfolded it, slowly taking in the words on the page. When Sam finally spoke, his voice was quiet, “Holy hell.”

Jess could see the excitement in his eyes, that was a good ‘holy hell,’ she was sure of it, but she still gave Sam the time he needed to process, waiting for him to look up at her before she cocked an eyebrow. “Well?” she asked, mustering up all the patience she could.

“174,” Sam practically whispered.

“174? That’s fantastic Sammy!” Jess exclaimed as she surged up and kissed her boyfriend. “That’s it. We are celebrating tonight!” Jess cheered as she wrapped Sam in a hug.

“You’ve got work, tonight,” Sam reminded her, his eyes still on the page.

“No I don’t,” she sing-songed right back. “I saw that your scores were here and got someone to cover my shift. I figured we’d be celebrating,” Jess pulled him down for another kiss, “or maybe drowning our sorrows, but my money was on celebration.” She pulled away and turned him around, pointing him towards the stairs. She gave him a quick swat on the ass as she shooed him towards their bedroom. “Go change into something nice; we’ve got reservations.”

Sam made his way up the stairs with a smile on his face. This was surreal. He had felt good after the test but had never expected to do this well. A 174 - he couldn’t wait to call Dean and tell him but when he dialed his brother’s number, it went straight to voicemail. Sam didn’t bother to leave a message, Dean was probably working on a car somewhere and wouldn’t notice it until morning anyway. He’d just call back again tomorrow.

Sam put on a button up shirt and a tie but decided to forgo a jacket, opting for a cardigan instead. The combo looked good on him and he knew it was one of Jess’s favorite outfits. He grabbed his score sheet and made his way back to where Jessica was waiting downstairs. She grabbed the paper from his hand and darted into the kitchen, knowing Sam would follow. As he walked behind his girlfriend, he took in what she was wearing. She’d traded in her usually paint covered jeans and sneakers for a knee length black dress and heels. Her hair was gathered on the top of her head in some kind of pretty updo that Sam would never remember the name of, even if he asked. In short, his already beautiful girlfriend looked radiant tonight.

By the time Sam caught up with Jess, she was using a Stanford magnet to attach his scores to the refrigerator. She turned around, her face beaming with pride, and Sam had to laugh. She was going to be a great mom, Sam thought. It wasn’t something they had discussed since that picnic in the park and the thought had come unbidden but it felt right. Sam wasn’t in a rush to be a dad, he and Jess had a lot of life to live first, but one day, who knows…

Shaking that thought from his mind, Sam crossed the kitchen and took Jessica in his arms, holding her at arm’s length and looking into her eyes. “You look gorgeous tonight,” he told her. “Where are we headed?”

“It’s a surprise!” Jess laughed, “My car is still full of paintings for the gallery so I left it on campus and Charlie gave me a ride back here, so… Gimmie your keys! I’m driving!” She held out her hand for Sam’s keys. She didn’t often ask to drive his car, she had a minivan of her own which came in handy when she needed to transport some of her larger works, but she was certain he wouldn’t deny her.

Sam handed her the keys and quipped, “You gonna blindfold me next?”

“Oooh, that’s not a bad idea,” Jess replied, “but I think I’ll save that for tonight.” She winked at Sam as she watched the heat rise in his cheeks. Jess grabbed his hand and started pulling him toward the door, “Come on, we’re gonna be late!”

They hopped into Sam’s car and he sat back in the passenger seat, as Jess slid the driver’s seat forward so that she could reach the pedals. They completed the short ride to the restaurant that Jess had picked in relative silence, Jessica’s hand sneaking across the seat to hold Sam’s as she drove. Sam watched her out of the corner of his eye, completely in awe of the woman next to him. He thought, not for the first time, how lucky he was to have her in his life. 

They arrived at the restaurant, a fancy steakhouse not far from their home that Sam had mentioned wanting to try. When they entered, Jess went to the maître d’ to announce their presence. “Ah, yes. The rest of your party has already arrived,” Sam thought he heard the man tell Jess but he ignored it, assuming that he had heard wrong.

However, as they approached the table there was someone else there. Sam broke into a grin when his brother stood from the table as he and Jess approached. “Dean? What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Jess called when the mail came and I was only a few hours away,” Dean explained. “I couldn’t not be here to celebrate with my baby brother.” Dean paused and then asked, “We are celebrating, right?”

“Yes, definitely celebration,” Sam laughed as he hugged his brother and took his seat at the table. 

Jess sat down next to him and told Dean, “Sam did so well, he’s going to have the laws schools fighting over him.” She kissed him on the cheek and turned to her menu.

After the three of them ordered, they began talking, Sam and Jess sharing about school and Jessica’s upcoming gallery show, and Dean telling them about the project he was working on at the garage. They talked, ate, and drank and, before they knew it, the staff was clearing their dessert plates. “How long are you in town, Dean?” Sam asked hopefully.

“Well, if it’s alright with you and Jess I’d like to stay for Thanksgiving and then maybe see the opening of her gallery,” Dean shared. “We haven’t really had a family thanksgiving since you moved out here.”

Sam knew his brother wasn’t trying to guilt him but he still felt bad. Since Dean was on the road so much Sam had spent a lot of holidays with the Moores and had even appeared on the past two family Christmas cards alongside Jess and her parents. Sam was about to answer his brother with an apology but Jess spoke up and beat him to it.

“Dean, that would be awesome. We’d love to have you,” she assured the older Winchester. “The spare room has a pullout bed in the couch and most of my canvases are out of there and on campus already for the gallery opening. I’ve just got a few things left that I can move into Sam and my bedroom for the next few nights until I can get them over to the studio I’ve got reserved on campus.”

Sam pulled Jess into his side and kissed her temple. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Jessica leaned into Sam and replied, “I do know that, but I really enjoy hearing you say it. And I love you, too, Sammy.” She cuddled into his side and suppressed a yawn. 

“I think it’s time to get you home, love,” Sam commented. “You’ve had a long day in the studio and putting all of this together for me.”

“No, your brother just got here,” Jess began before pausing to yawn again, “you can’t go home yet. It’s not a long drive, I’ll head home and move my stuff out of the spare room. You guys go out, catch up. I’m just going to be boring and go to bed, anyway. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

“Dude, you have the best girlfriend,” Dean announced as he stood from the table. “I’m just going to use the bathroom and then we can figure out our plan for the rest of the night.” Dean sauntered away from the table in the opposite direction of the bathrooms.

“He’s going to pay the bill,” Sam told Jess. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come home with you?”

“I’m positive, Sammy,” she answered. “In fact, I expressly forbid it.” Jess dug the keys to Sam’s car out of the small purse she was carrying and stood from the table. Sam stood as well, to bid her goodnight.

“I’ll see you when we get home, love,” he assured her. “Drive safe.” He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I love you.” 

Sam watched as she made her way to the restaurant’s door, mesmerized by the sway of her hips, only pulling his eyes away when the door closed behind her. Sam jumped when Dean cleared his throat from his position behind him. 

“Everything’s taken care of here, you ready to go?” Dean asked, “Or do you just plan on watching your girlfriend walk away all night.”

“What? Oh, yeah,” Sam replied, shaking himself out of his daze. “What are you thinking? A couple of drinks?”

The brothers made their decision as they walked out to Dean’s car and Sam settled into the passenger seat of the familiar ‘67 Impala. He gave his older brother directions to the barcade that had become a familiar haunt for him and his friends. When they arrived, Sam stood from the car and shucked his cardigan and tie, throwing both back onto the seat. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, and smiled as he watched Dean do the same. Dress clothes had never been Dean’s favorite and Sam had been surprised at dinner to see his brother even owned a jacket that fit him.

They entered the bar and Sam went to claim a table while Dean ordered drinks. It was a Thursday night so neither brother had much trouble and soon Dean was making his way across the room with 2 beers. The brothers sat and talked and laughed for a few hours, each taking their turns at buying rounds as the night went on. Dean told Sam about the car he had just finished working on and a few upcoming projects. Dean had starting charging more for restorations than their dad had and found that the business had really grown because of it, even attracting some more high-end clients. Sam was excited for his brother’s success as he shared about his classes and what he and his friends were up to on campus. 

“I’m going to propose,” Sam confided. “At the opening of her art show or, I guess, right after. We’ve got a spot in the art museum, a painting that we both love. I’m gonna take Jess over there and ask her to marry me.”

“Sammy, that’s great!” Dean exclaimed, patting his brother’s shoulder. “She really is a great girl and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you so happy than you have been the past few years.” Dean stood from the table, telling his brother, “Hang on, I’ll be right back.” Dean made his went back to the bar and returned to the table he and Sam were sharing with two smaller glasses this time. “I figured this news deserved the good stuff,” Dean told him as he passed his brother a glass of what Sam figured was top shelf whiskey. “So, you got a ring already?”

Sam sipped the amber liquid, feeling the familiar and comfortable burn on his tongue. “Yeah, it’s in my car, actually,” he told his brother. “I’ve been keeping it in my backpack since I know that’s the one place she for sure won’t find it and my backpack has basically been living in the trunk of my car recently with how often I’m back and forth to the library for study groups.”

The Winchesters finished up at the bar and decided it was time to head for home. As they drove Sam started to feel uncomfortable but he couldn’t figure out why. He was fidgeting in the passenger’s seat and Dean couldn’t help but notice and ask him about it.

“Dude, you alright?” Dean inquired.

“I don’t know. Just something feels weird. I can’t figure out what, though,” Sam responded, his stomach tying itself into knots. It wasn’t until his vision flickered that he started to get really nervous. It happened again and Sam realized it wasn’t his vision, it was his colors. “Dean, we need to get home. Now. Something’s wrong.”

Dean could hear the panic in his brother’s voice and stepped on the gas as Sam pulled out his phone and called someone. He listened as his brother spoke with what he assumed was an emergency operator, telling the person what he knew - that his soulmate was at home and his colors were fading in and out. He rattled off his address as Dean increased the pressure he was putting on the accelerator.

They pulled up to the house just after emergency services arrived. The house was engulfed in flames and police were setting up a perimeter as the fire department worked to extinguish the blaze. Dean had to physically restrain his brother as he tried to run into the burning building, desperate to get to his soulmate.

“JESS! JESS!” Sam was crying and shouting, “JESSICA!!” 

Dean held onto his brother as they could only stand and stare at the inferno tearing through the house, Sam struggling against his brother’s strength as his colors flickered in and out. Dean could hear the anguish in Sam’s voice and see it in his face the moment his colors faded for good. Sam slumped against his brother, all the fight draining from him; he already knew what the police would come to confirm once it was safe for the officers and firefighters to enter the house. 

“She’s gone,” Sam whispered, his voice hoarse. “Jess is gone.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Series Warnings: Soul mate AU, fluff and angst (50/50 split), major character death, fire/arson, mention of suicide (no suicidal ideation, though), depression, internalized homophobia, cursing
> 
> A/N: Chapter 6! ANGST. I cried while I wrote parts of this chapter.

In the following days, the fire was declared arson. Sam had to endure police interviews, first for a short time as a person of interest and then as a key witness as the police searched for who might have wanted to hurt Jess. 

Sam moved into an empty campus apartment and Dean stayed with him through Thanksgiving - they ate Chinese that night - and for as long as he could after. The night that Jessica’s senior gallery was supposed to have opened, Dean couldn’t find his brother and he, Charlie, and Kevin searched the campus in a panic, worried that Sam might do something drastic. It wasn’t until he remembered what Sam had said about their special painting that Dean had an inkling as to where his brother might be. Dean made his way to the art museum and found Sam staring blindly at one of the paintings with tears running down his cheeks, a small velvet box in his hands.

Soon after, there was a memorial service for Jessica. Sam had helped her parents with the planning as best as he could but, even so, he wasn’t prepared for the event. The space was filled with photos of her as well as things she had painted. Sam recognized a lot of the art, much of it had been works for Jessica’s senior gallery show but there was one that he had never seen before. He stopped and took in the piece, his own face staring back at him, full of an emotion he barely recognized anymore: joy. He didn’t know when Jess had taken her reference photo but, from the length of his hair, he knew it had to have been early in their relationship. 

One of Jess’s teachers came and stood beside Sam. “That was supposed to be the central piece in her gallery,” she shared. “She called it ‘Neon Love;’ I’ve never seen a student work so hard on a single piece.”

“Will you,” Sam began, his voice catching in his throat, “will you tell me about the co… about it?” Sam was grateful for the mostly unknown professor. It was a question he didn’t think he’d be able to voice to someone who knew him better.

The woman looked at Sam with pity as he continued staring straight ahead at the portrait. “Of course,” she replied and she told Sam all the information that Jess had shared with her. “Jessica took a photo of you early in your freshman year. She said it was on your first date and something about the way the lights played on your skin and in your eyes compelled her to capture the moment.” She paused to let Sam respond but he merely nodded. “It’s a very good likeness and there are bright reds, purples, blues, and greens reflected in your face from the neon lights that were shining on you at the time. The green reflects in and brings out the hazel of your eyes and the blue shines in your hair while the red and purple cross over your face. One might expect the colors to compete for attention and, yet, Jessica’s taste and subtle hand shines through. It is a beautiful painting.”

Sam could barely speak at the reminder of their first date, how the neon lights of the diner had enthralled him, but he still managed to rasp a broken “thank you” to the professor. 

Sam stayed as long as he could manage before ducking out into the afternoon sun. He pulled out his cellphone to check the time and noticed that he had a voice mail. He sat on the stairs to the building and listened to the message from the detective that was handling Jessica’s case. There was news that they wanted to share with Sam; he was to go to the police station at his earliest convenience. Sam thought about going back in and telling Mr. and Mrs. Moore but he figured they had the same message on their phones. As he sat and contemplated, Sam felt a presence standing over him and another taking a seat next to him on the stairs.

Charlie grabbed Sam’s hand and put her head on his shoulder while Kevin stood over them, his shadow blocking the bright sunlight from their eyes.

“I have to go down to the police station again,” Sam told them. “It sounds like they’ve got something.”

Charlie squeezed Sam’s hand and stood, trying to pull the younger Winchester to his feet. “Let’s go, then.”

Sam allowed her to tug him up. “Let’s?” He asked, looking down at Charlie, who had maneuvered herself under his arm and put an arm around his waist.

“I’ll drive,” Kevin offered, “so you don’t have to squeeze into her little yellow thing.” He rummaged in his messenger bag and pulled out a set of keys as he began leading the group to the parking lot. 

“I need to…” Sam protested feebly but Charlie beat him to the punch.

“I’ll text Dorothy when we get to the car. She’ll tell Dean and the Moores what’s going on,” Charlie assured him. “Face it, Winchester, we’re going with you and there’s nothing you can do to stop us.”

Sam offered a weak smile in response. Internally, he was glad he wouldn’t be making this trip on his own but he wasn’t able to show it, it was almost as if he had forgotten how. Charlie’s arm only left his waist when they got to the car and Sam was grateful for both the emotional and physical support. He and Kevin climbed into the front seats as Charlie scurried into the back and the trio rode to the police station in relative silence, the only sounds being the car’s motor and the quiet classical music that was already on the radio when Kevin had started the car.

They arrived and entered into the bustle of the police station, the sounds and movements quickly overwhelming Sam in his grief. Luckily, he was ushered into an office fairly quickly while Kevin and Charlie were asked to wait outside. The detective on Jessica’s case entered the room not long after Sam and he sat up in his chair. 

The detective shook Sam’s hand and sat down across from him before he began to speak. “Mr. Winchester, thank you for coming down so quickly. We have a suspect in custody,” he shared.

“That’s great news,” Sam responded but the grim look on the detective’s face gave him pause. “Isn’t it?”

“It is. But we have reason to believe that Ms. Moore wasn’t the arsonist’s intended target, Mr. Winchester.” 

Sam couldn’t read the detective and his words unnerved him. “What… what do you mean?” Jessica was supposed to be alive right now?

The detective leaned forward but before he spoke there was a knock on the door and another officer leaned into the room. “We’ve got a confession, sir,” she told the detective.

“Thank you, Rhodes. Any surprises?” the detective asked.

“No, sir,” Rhodes reported. “It was more or less exactly what we were expecting.”

The detective dismissed her and turned back to Sam. “Was that about Jess?” Sam asked.

“What do you know about Tyson Brady?” the detective asked.

“Brady? He’s a friend,” Sam replied quickly.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Winchester,” the detective began, “but we have a signed confession that would indicate otherwise.”

“What?” Sam practically whispered

“Mr. Brady never intended to kill Jessica,” the detective shared. “You were his target.”

Sam sat in shock as he listened to the police detective. Apparently, Brady had meant to kill Sam in that fire. His “playful flirting” with Jess over the years hadn’t been playful at all. His intention had been to kill Sam and then serve as Jessica’s rock and emotional support while she mourned, eventually making his move with the end goal of winning her love. When he saw Sam’s car alone in the driveway the night of the fire, he assumed that Sam was home while Jess was out with friends or working on her gallery on campus and put his plan into action. He flooded the bedroom with a gas that put Jessica to sleep and then broke in, dousing the place in gasoline, paying special attention to the bedroom door and the carpet outside of the bedroom Sam and Jess shared. He stood in the doorway and dropped a match before making a hasty retreat as the house went up in flames.

Sam couldn’t do anything but listen as the detective relayed Brady’s plan. He already knew that he would trade places with Jess in a heartbeat if given the chance, and to hear that she wasn’t supposed to be dead… It tore him up inside even more. The detective was still speaking but Sam wasn’t hearing anything he said anymore. He just felt numb.

Eventually, the detective stopped speaking. “I’m sorry, Mr. Winchester, for all of this.” The detective stood and added, “I know it’s a lot to take in, take all the time you need in here to process. We’ll call if we need anything else.” With that, the detective exited the room and left Sam alone with his thoughts.

A few minutes later, Charlie and Kevin came in to find Sam staring blankly at a wall, looking completely broken. It took Charlie snapping her fingers in front of his face to pull him from his thoughts. He turned his eyes to the redhead and her heart broke to look at him and see the grief, fear, and even anger in his expression. 

Sam looked up at her and Kevin, who was standing behind her and rasped three words: “Brady killed her.”

The trio returned to campus and Sam threw himself into his work. Dean stayed for another few days but had to leave eventually, promising to call Sam whenever he could and insisting that his brother should still join him at Bobby’s for Christmas and the New Year like he and Jess had planned. Sam agreed, knowing that he wouldn’t leave California for the holidays. If he left, he’d never come back, never stop running. 

Sam finished out the year, traveling between his apartment, classes, and the library in a daze. Charlie, Kevin, or both would often join him for dinner at his place or drag him to the cafeteria, making sure he ate at least one meal each day. They would stay and do homework, trying to be subtle in their attempts to assure themselves that Sam was sleeping. He wasn’t - if he slept he dreamed and the dreams were never pleasant - but he did what he could to assuage his friends’ worries. 

Eventually his professors stopped offering him letters of recommendation and asking him where he’d be applying for law school. As his classmates were getting their acceptance letters and planning the next three years of their lives, Sam was figuring out where he would be meeting Dean and reminding himself about some of the inner workings of a car’s engine.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Series Warnings: Soul mate AU, fluff and angst (50/50 split), major character death, fire/arson, mention of suicide (no suicidal ideation, though), depression, internalized homophobia, cursing
> 
> A/N: Chapter 7! More angst but the very end has a little glimmer of hope maybe?

After graduation, Sam packed up his apartment, putting most of his belongings into storage before he hopped into his mustang and hit the road. It felt good to be behind the wheel with a long drive ahead of him. He’d always enjoyed a road trip, his eyes focused on the road while his mind could wander. Sam rolled down the window so he could feel the wind on his face and in his hair. 

He had known that finishing his degree was the right thing to do, that it was what Jessica would have wanted him to do, but driving away, Stanford, Brady, the fire all literally behind him, he felt more free than he had in months. He had two full days of driving ahead of him in order to meet Dean in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, at Bobby’s house. Dean was taking a short break from restoration jobs and the three men were planning a hunting trip.

Sam had gotten an early start and drove for about sixteen hours, only stopping for gas and the occasional bathroom break. He checked into a little roadside motel and as he sat on the bed he felt his exhaustion taking over. Sam was asleep by the time his head hit the pillow. 

—

Sam turned to his left and opened his eyes expecting to see Jess but she wasn’t there. He smelled smoke and it made him smile, Jess was in the kitchen trying to make him breakfast again. His soulmate was good at many things but cooking was not one of her talents. He closed his eyes and rolled onto his back, preparing to face the day. 

Sam had a nagging, unsettling feeling in the back of his mind, like something was wrong but he pushed it aside as the scent of smoke grew thicker in the air. It was time to go rescue the poor slices of bacon Jess had on the stove. He opened his eyes, staring straight ahead at the ceiling and had to blink a few times before what he was seeing really hit him. The smoke wasn’t coming from the kitchen. Flames were all around him, engulfing the bedroom and Jessica was pinned to the ceiling. She was screaming. Screaming for rescue, screaming for him to get out of the house, just screaming. 

Sam made to get up. If he could just stand he could reach up and pull Jess down. But Sam couldn’t move. He tried with everything in him but something was holding him down and all he could do was struggle as the flames took over everything in the room. He cried out in horror as Jess was consumed by the fire right in front of his eyes and again, this time in pain, as the flames crept onto his own skin and hair as he struggled and writhed, pinned to their bed.

—

Sam shot up in bed, his chest heaving, his limbs tangled in the sheets, and his body covered in a cold sweat. He’d had the dream again. It was never exactly the same but it always involved Jess and the fire. Sometimes he was locked out of the house while it burned, listening to Jessica’s screams from outside, other times he was in the house but couldn’t get to her for one reason or another. A few times, he could even see Brady outside one of the windows laughing as he watched the scene taking place inside the house.

Once he got his frantic breathing under control, Sam peeked at the clock. The bright red numbers read 4:23 AM; he’d gotten about four hours of sleep. Deciding that was enough sleep to make the final hours of the drive, Sam pushed himself out of the bed. He looked in the mirror and took in his unshaven face and greasy hair. Sam knew Dean would be worried if he showed up at Bobby’s looking like this but he couldn’t find it in himself to care so he packed up his bag and fiddled around on his phone for a bit. Sam checked out of the motel around five and hopped back on the road to finish the last ten or so hours of the drive to Sioux Falls. He texted Dean from his first gas stop, around 9:00, to let his brother know he’d be arriving in the mid- to late afternoon.

The road Sam was driving was mostly empty, leaving him alone with his thoughts. The day before, this had been a blessing but now, after having that nightmare again, it was just the opposite. Sam had nothing to take his mind off of the fire and, eventually, his thoughts wandered to Brady’s trial. 

Sam’s former friend had the distinction of being on trial for murder and attempted murder simultaneously. Brady told his sob story, how he had fallen in love with Jessica at first sight after being rejected by his own soulmate who he had met on a trip through Europe. He spoke of how he was certain that Jessica returned his affections and how Sam was controlling and manipulative of his girlfriend. Brady’s lawyers painted a picture of a man torn apart by grief, acting out of desperation, a desire to be loved, and fear for Jessica’s safety. Brady had withdrawn his confession and his father’s resources were going to get him off of at least the murder charge. Or, it seemed that way until the real story came out. 

Brady’s soulmate hadn’t rejected him. Upon meeting the older man, Brady’s own internalized homophobia, something he had learned from his father, had driven him away. He ran back to the states and buried himself in women before deciding that he needed to have Jessica. He was jealous of Sam’s happiness with Jess and the prosecution was able to catch Brady in his lies and perjury. In the end, Brady had been given multiple life sentences.

Sam’s mind dwelled on his own time on the witness stand. He was asked questions about his relationship with Jessica as well as questions about his friendship with Brady and the relationship between Jess and her killer. The prosecution wanted him to be a little emotional during his testimony, presenting himself as a sympathetic figure without going overboard. However he tried, though, Sam couldn’t muster the emotion they were looking for; he just felt numb. He wasn’t sure he’d really felt anything since the moment he’d lost his colors.

Lost in his thoughts, Sam drove to Bobby’s basically on autopilot, barely listening to the GPS on his phone but still hearing all of the directions the voice was giving him. He arrived about a half an hour later than he had told Dean and parked his car next to his brother’s Impala. Sam noticed that Bobby had acquired a few cars recently, all of them nicer than his usual salvage yard fare and made a mental note to ask the man about it. Functioning people asked their friends and family questions about their lives, he reminded himself.

Sam walked up to the door and paused. As a kid he’d been accustomed to just letting himself into Bobby’s house but he hadn’t been back here in over 2 years. He’d planned on spending Christmas with Dean, Bobby and Jess but, after the fire, he’d decided to stay in California. Sam stood for another minute before resolving to ring the doorbell. As he raised his hand to the button, however, Sam was interrupted by a voice from inside.

“You just going to stand there all day, boy,” the gruff voice asked, “or are you gonna come inside?”

Sam rerouted his hand to the knob instead of the bell and let himself in. “Good to see you, too, Bobby,” he called into the house. “Where are you?”

“We’re in here,” Bobby shouted back, his voice coming from one of the rooms to Sam’s right. “Leave your bag on the steps and get your ass in here.”

Sam did as he was told and followed Bobby’s voice to the living room but when he walked into the space he wasn’t sure to make of what he encountered. Bobby and Dean were there but they weren’t alone. Ellen and Jo were with them, which wasn’t all that strange. What was weird, though, were the rooms other two occupants. Kevin and Charlie were seated among Sam’s family and everyone’s faces looked so serious.

“What’s going on, guys?” Sam asked hesitantly.

“Sit down, Sammy,” Dean said gently, but his brother didn’t react.

“No, really,” Sam began, his eyes scanning the room, “what’s going on?” His voice was demanding; he wanted answers.

“We’re worried about you,” Charlie offered in response. 

“There’s nothing to worry about. I’m fine,” Sam snapped, his voice insistent.

“Just sit down, Sam, we just want to talk,” Bobby’s usually growly voice was gentler than Sam had ever heard it.

Sam looked around the room, his face the picture of incredulity and he huffed a condescending laugh before speaking. “I don’t need this right now. I don’t need any of this.” Sam turned and made to leave the room but Dean had positioned himself to block the exit. “What, so now I’m not allowed to leave?”

“Not until you hear us out, man,” Dean stated and Sam could hear the sadness in his voice despite his efforts to be as matter of fact as possible.

“Fine.” Sam rolled his eyes and flopped into the only available chair in the room. He watched from the corner of his eye as Dean stepped away from the doorway to join the circle of people gathered but repositioned his chair so that he would beat Sam to the exit if his younger brother decided to try to leave again before whatever this meeting was had come to its conclusion. “So, would someone care to tell me what the hell all of this is?”

“Like your friend said, we’re worried about you sweetheart,” Ellen began, her voice gentle

“I’m fine,” Sam insisted. His voice was hard and it was clear to the group that he actually believed it.

Kevin spoke up. “You’re not fine. Before this trip, when was the last time you went somewhere besides class, the library, or your apartment?”

“You consistently bailed on plans. Kevin and I would have never seen you if we hadn’t been forcing you to eat dinner every night…” Charlie added 

“What do you want me to say?” Sam huffed, his voice full of annoyance. “I’m sorry I don’t want to hang out with you and Dorothy, Charlie? I’m sorry that I can’t be around soulmates right now? I’m fucking grieving, what do you want from me?” 

“But you’re not!” Charlie practically shouted, tears forming in the usually spunky redhead’s eyes. “You’re not grieving. You just, I don’t know, shut down. And I get that, I do, but you need to face yourself and deal with your emotions and shit or we’re going to lose you, too.”

It wasn’t Charlie’s words but, rather, her emotions that struck Sam. He didn’t realize how his avoidance had been putting a toll on his friends and, looking around the room, his family. Hell, he hadn’t even realized that they had noticed he was avoiding thinking about, well, everything. 

“Just, hear us out, man,” Dean begged. “Then if you want to go back to pretending nothing’s wrong… Well, I’m the last one who can complain about someone doing that. It’s the Winchester way.”

“Yeah, ok,” Sam nodded and he settled into the chair, squirming a little under the intensity of everyone’s eyes.

“You cancelled your Christmas trip out here, which we understood,” Ellen started. “So we rescheduled for your spring break but then we heard nothing from you for months, not even a hello. And then, when you didn’t show up or call to say you weren’t coming…” Ellen broke off, her voice betraying the tears that were threatening to fall.

“We thought the worst, Sam,” Jo whispered, finishing her mom’s thought.

Sam swallowed and nodded again, the weight of his actions beginning to set in.

“Sometimes - a lot of the time - it feels like I didn’t lose one friend in the fire. It feels like I lost two,” Charlie shared, Kevin nodding in agreement. “We know you’re hurting but we were too and we wanted to be there for you, wanted us all to be there for each other.”

“It’s obvious you’re not eating well, if at all, you’ve lost a lot of weight; you look like you haven’t showered in a week and when’s the last time you got a good night sleep?” Dean questioned, his worry for his brother clear in his voice.

“I’ve… I’ve been having nightmares.” Sam whispered his confession but everyone heard it. “I slept for about four hours last night. I don’t usually get more than that and sometimes less.” 

Sam’s voice sounded so small and broken but everyone around the room breathed a sigh of relief, tension flooding from their bodies. He wasn’t shutting them down or tuning them out, he was talking.

Sam stood but didn’t make a move for the door. Instead, he started pacing the floor. “I just… I don’t, I don’t feel anything anymore. I’m just numb all the damn time. I’m tired and numb,” Sam paused, taking a shuddering breath. He was saying the words but he could feel that they weren’t entirely true, not anymore. Being in this room, seeing the distress on the faces of the people he cared about most put a crack in the dam and he could feel the tears forming in his eyes. “I don’t want to feel it, feeling nothing has to be better than the pain.” Sam’s tears started falling freely and suddenly he was surrounded. Everyone was out of their chairs, even Bobby, and Sam found himself at the center of their attention and physical support. Charlie’s arms had snaked around his waist from behind. Jo’s too, but from one of his sides. Sam let his brother envelop him in a hug as well while Bobby, Ellen, and Kevin each had a hand on his shoulder or back. 

With that his wall broke and Sam was awash in sadness, anger, and hurt, but also comfort and support. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed or needed physical touch. He had pulled away from his friends and his family and hadn’t allowed them to be there for him. Sam sobbed, the hurt that he’d unintentionally inflicted on them amplifying everything he was feeling. “I’m sorry,” he cried into his brother’s shirt. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s alright Sammy,” Dean assured his younger brother with a squeeze. “We’re all here for you; always have been, always will be.” 

Eventually, they all pulled apart and returned to their seats, the tension in the room having eased substantially. 

“There’s one more thing, kid,” Bobby said, “but you gotta promise to hear Ellen out, alright?”

Sam nodded and turned his red rimmed eyes to the woman who had been like an aunt to him for as long as he’d known her. 

“We made you an appointment,” Ellen tested the waters and when Sam didn’t react she continued. “It’s with a therapist out here. She specializes in grief counseling, supposed to be real good. You don’t have to use it if you really don’t want to but we all think that talking to someone might do you some good.”

Sam nodded as he mulled Ellen’s words. It wasn’t the worst idea he’d ever heard.

“Now, we only made the one appointment so if you go and you hate it, you’re in the clear,” Ellen clarified. “If you find it helpful, you can make some more.”

“And I know you’re planning to work and travel with Dean but I’ve done some research on people you could talk to back in California, if that’s where you want to make your home base,” Charlie offered. 

Sam was overwhelmed by the care and the love that these people were showing him. The sudden return and surge of emotions had him exhausted and at a loss for words. He felt a bit like a bobblehead toy but all he could do was nod at his friend, too. Finally, Sam was able to speak. “Thank you,” his voice broke but he pushed through anyway. “You are all more than I could have ever asked for in a family.”

Bobby stood and crossed to Sam, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “You’re not so bad yourself, boy,” he said quietly before turning to the group, his usual gruff demeanor returning. “I’m gonna get the grill fired up. Dinner’s in an hour.” 

Sam sat and accepted hugs from everyone else as people started to dissipate and slowly turn their attention elsewhere. Eventually, it was only him and Charlie in the room and she perched on the arm of Sam’s chair. “You’re my best friend. You know that, right?” 

When Sam didn’t answer, Charlie looked down to find him asleep. She ruffled his hair and quietly left the room, leaving Sam to a much needed, dreamless nap.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Series Warnings: Soul mate AU, fluff and angst (50/50 split), major character death, fire/arson, mention of suicide (no suicidal ideation, though), depression, internalized homophobia, cursing
> 
> A/N: Chapter 8! Things are getting back to the fluffier side! There’s a dash of angst/feels here and there but this chapter is wholly fluff.

Sam went to the appointment that his friends and family had set up for him. Much to his surprise, he found it to be helpful and went back two more times before he and Dean hit the road. Sam knew he had a ways to go until he would feel whole and like himself again but he felt ready to be on the road, working with his brother now that he was armed with a few strategies to deal with his grief and depression. 

The pair had a job lined up in a small, wealthy town in Texas so they set out from Bobby’s in Dean’s Impala. The drive took them two days and the brothers spent most of the time talking and joking. Dean would occasionally turn up the radio and sing along, especially when he knew his brother hated the song. Once, when Sam had fallen asleep in the passenger seat, Dean stuck a plastic spoon left over from one of their meals into Sam’s mouth and took a photo before waking his brother with the radio. Seeing Sam’s confused freakout was definitely worth the possibility of his pillow smelling like feet that night. “Not a lot of scenery here in East Texas, kinda gotta make your own,” Dean laughed.

“Just remember that you started this, Dean,” Sam warned.

About a hundred miles later, they pulled over for gas. Sam volunteered to stay outside and fuel up the car. Once Dean was inside, he flipped through the radio stations quickly, finally landing on one he liked. He turned off the car and spun the volume dial as high as it would go, flipped another couple of switches around the car - nothing that would hurt Dean’s baby, though - and then hopped out to fill the tank with gas. He was just finishing up when Dean returned. The younger Winchester crossed behind the car and waited a moment as Dean turned the key. Suddenly, mariachi music blared out of the Impala’s speakers as the blinkers and windshield wipers started up all combining to make Dean jump in his seat. Sam laughed as he slid into the passenger seat.

“That’s all you got?” Dean asked, his face betraying his frustration. “It’s weak. That is bush league,” he told his brother, the promise of retribution clear in his voice.

The boys made it the rest of the way to the job without incident and, after two days of work, Sam had let his guard down. They made their way back to their motel room after the second day of work talking about what was on the horizon for them. With two people working, Dean was confident they’d finish the job in about two weeks. They were finishing the job for an amature who had gotten in over his head. Most of the work was already done and, to Dean’s surprise, had been done well.

When they got back to the motel, Sam called dibs on the bathroom and grabbed his shampoo from his duffle. Once the shower was running, Dean quietly snuck out of the room, trusting Sam to be in the bathroom for at least the next half hour. 

When Dean came back into the room, the door closed with more sound than he had intended but he could hear Sam finishing up in the bathroom so he didn’t have a lot of time. Dean sprinkled some of the powder he’d gone out to pick up on to his brother’s clothes as Sam called to him from the bathroom.

“Hey, where were you?” Sam asked through the door.

“Oh, uh, there was a diner I saw down the road,” Dean lied easily. “I went to pick up dinner but it turns out they don’t do take out.”

Sam exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Dean had finished just in time. “Why don’t you get dressed and we’ll head back to grab something to eat,” Dean told Sam as he brushed past him to wash up quickly himself.

Dean was done in less than 10 minutes and the brothers were out the door headed to a diner the older Winchester had seen on his earlier expedition. He kept discreetly watching Sam from the corner of his eye as they drove, starting to think the prank was a dud with every passing minute.

They got to the diner and sat down and that’s when Dean finally noticed Sam start fidgeting. Just a little bit at first, a twitch in his shoulders or adjusting how his pant leg sat against his thigh as they placed their orders with the friendly waitress, but soon enough sam was full on squirming in his seat and Dean was doing everything he could to keep his laughter at bay. When the waitress returned with their food, Sam nearly knocked it out of her hands and Dean finally lost control and howled with laughter.

Sam shot his brother his best bitchface. “Man, I think I’m allergic to our soap or something,” he told Dean, only causing his brother to laugh harder. “You did this?” Sam asked as Dean pulled the empty packet of itching powder from his pocket and waved it at his younger brother before taking a big bite of his burger. Dean continued to eat at his normal pace as Sam attempted to relieve some of the discomfort he was feeling. 

Half way through the meal Sam finally gave up and called the waitress over to ask for boxes for their food.

“But Sammy, I wanted pie!” Dean exclaimed, flashing the waitress his most charming smile.

“You lost all dessert privileges when you put that crap in my clothes, jerk,” Sam informed his brother.

“Whatever, bitch,” Dean sniped back. “We’ll take the check, sweetheart,” he told the waitress. 

Sam wanted to scratch off his skin while his brother slowly boxed up the rest of his meal and dropped some bills on the table, leaving the waitress a big tip after Sam had almost knocked their food all over her. 

Sam practically ran out to the Impala as Dean sauntered over to the car, starting her up and pointing them in the direction of their motel. Once they got back, Sam took a second shower before joining his brother in the main room, silently planning his next move. They watched some crappy movie on the television while Dean moaned over the bed’s magic fingers and Sam fell asleep before the film ended.

The next morning the brothers got back to work at the garage. Around mid-day, two guys with cameras came in, claiming that they were working on a documentary series on mechanics. The employees at the garage where the Winchesters were renting space ate up their story but Sam and Dean just felt like the guys were in the way. They did their best to work around them and not talk to them and, thankfully, managed to make it through to the end of the day. 

That night they sat in a bar for dinner talking about the job and how the cameras the two men had been sticking in their faces would likely slow them down. Dean excused himself to use the bathroom and, while he was gone, Sam put his plan into action, slathering his brother’s beer bottle with super glue. Dean returned to the table and picked up the beer to take a swig. 

As he pulled the bottle from his lips, Dean was put off by his brother’s grin and when he put the bottle on the table again, he realized just what Sam had done. “You didn’t…” Dean said, his voice incredulous.

“Oh, I did,” Sam laughed, watching Dean try to shake the bottle from his hand.

Eventually, Dean got the bottle off with minimal damage to his hand and the brothers went back to their meal and discussing their work, though Sam knew he would need to be on guard for the next few days.

The camera crew was back at the garage again the next day, once again getting in the way and asking questions that slowed Sam and Dean down. That afternoon, one of the men started offering asinine suggestions, making it clear that he had no clue as to the inner workings of a car and that he and his buddy were in way over their heads with this supposed documentary.

The prank war between the brothers was quickly abandoned in an attempt to get as much work done as possible while surrounded by the two idiots with the handheld camera. They did their best to interact with the film crew as little as possible but as the questions and suggestions kept coming and getting more and more inane, Sam could tell his brother was ready to snap and he could feel his temper flaring up, too.

After two more days of this, the brothers couldn’t take it anymore. However, when they arrived back to the garage from lunch, the camera crew was leaving. Apparently, they had received a call from a Hollywood producer who was interested in their documentary and they would be driving out to California to meet with him immediately. 

As they drove off, Sam looked at his brother. “I have a confession to make,” he shared. “I was the one who called them and told them I was a producer.” Both brothers laughed at that.

Then Dean added, “Yeah, well, I’m the one who put the dead fish in their back seat.”

They walked back into the garage in order to get back to work with smiles on their faces. “Truce?” Sam asked his brother.

“Yeah, truce,” Dean agreed. “At least until the next time.”

Once the camera, the incessant questioning, and the pranks were gone, the job moved much quicker and the brothers finished on time and made their way to the next job, which Dean had scheduled in New Jersey.

—-

“So, uh, I gotta tell you something before we get to our next stop,” Dean confessed to Sam. “We’re not headed east for a job.”

“Then why are we going?” Sam asked. It wasn’t that Dean had never driven halfway across the country on a whim before - hell, they’d driven 2 days for a Jayhawks game one summer and about a thousand miles to see Ozzy once - but usually Sam knew the purpose of the trip before they embarked on it. 

“There’s a, uh, a buddy of mine in New Jersey that I want you to meet,” Dean answered and Sam could tell right away that his brother wasn’t giving him the whole story. 

“Dean, just tell me what’s going on,” Sam ordered, hoping that Dean would drop the act and just be straight with him.

“I just told you,” Dean insisted. “I was working a job in Jersey and I met this guy. He’s on his summer break from grad school so we’re going to visit him.”

“Dean, I can read you. I know there’s more to this than you’re telling me,” Sam pressed.

The brothers continued bickering back and forth like that for another two or three minutes before Dean finally blurted, “We’re going to see my soul mate!”

“Wait, you found your soulmate? When? Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam asked feeling a little hurt that Dean had kept this from him.

“It was back in January. On the job I took right after Christmas,” Dean confessed. “You were still hurting so much that I didn’t want to make things worse for you. And then you didn’t really get better so I just, I don’t know, kept it to myself. Haven’t told anyone yet besides you just now. Didn’t feel right for you not to be first, you know?”

Sam was hit by another wave of sadness. “I’m so sorry, Dean,” and he was. Sam’s emotional state had made Dean sit on what was likely some of the happiest news of his life. He did his best to push his sadness and guilt aside for the time being in order to focus on Dean. “Tell me about him. How did you meet?”

“You sure?” Dean asked, his concern for his brother clear in his voice. If Sam told him he couldn’t handle talking about this, Dean would stop. Hell, he’d probably turn the car around and drive in the complete opposite direction if Sam asked him too. But Sam wanted to hear this; he’d been feeling good recently and was positive he’d be alright. He nodded and his older brother continued.

“So, I was working that restoration job out in Princeton, New Jersey, and I had just left this great little dive bar downtown. There was a guy outside looking for someone to jump his car. He was his friends’ designated driver that night, they take turns or something, and his car wouldn’t start. So I offered to take a quick look at the car. Introduced myself, told him what I did for a living, shook his hand and popped the hood on this hideously orange car. Went back to my trunk to grab the jumper cables and it wasn’t until I was walking back over to attach the cables that I realized I had recognized his car as being an incredibly ugly color.” Dean was shaking his head at the memory, a fond smile on his face. “So I just stop waking and I’m standing next to the guy and I swear he hasn’t moved a muscle since we’d touched.”

Sam laughed at that, remembering his own flustered reaction to meeting Jess. The memory hurt but not in the same way that reminders of her had torn at him in the past. 

“The guy finally turns to me and tells me his name is Castiel,” Dean continued. “I got his car running again and then followed him back to his place after he dropped off his friends. Spent the night just talking with him in his apartment.”

“Dean, that’s great, I’m happy for you,” Sam said with conviction. “What’s he study?”

“That’s the funny thing,” Dean shared, “he goes to Seminary out there. Me, of all people, find myself with a Jesus freak for a soulmate. But he’s not like Reverend Buddy Boyle or those other pastor guys you see on tv, you know? Yeah, he’s religious and all that but he’s got an open mind and he’s a real person, too. Like, he curses and drinks and shit.”

Sam laughed at the wonder in his brother’s voice. He had no doubt that his older brother’s soul mate would have to be a “real person” to keep up with Dean, no matter what Castiel was studying or where his career path would take him.

“When does he finish school? Have you guys talked about what’s going to happen once he’s done?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, a little bit. He’s got one more year left and I’m going to keep doing what I do during that and visiting whenever he’s on a break,” Dean responded. “He knows once we’re in one spot I’ll have to travel here and there but my work is pretty flexible so, after he graduates, I’ll follow him wherever he gets a job or ends up in a doctoral program. The guy is crazy smart, Sam, you’re gonna love him.”

“You must, too, if you’re willing to settle down and play house,” Sam teased. 

Dean could only smile.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Series Warnings: Soul mate AU, fluff and angst (50/50 split), major character death, fire/arson, mention of suicide (no suicidal ideation, though), depression, internalized homophobia, cursing
> 
> A/N: Chapter 9! We’re in the home stretch now! I couldn’t help myself, I had to dip my toes back into the angst pool on the way to closing this one out (sorry not sorry).

Dean was right, Sam and Cas had hit it off and gotten along well. They were well matched in intellect and Sam could tell immediately how much the man cared for his brother. After a week with Castiel, they were getting ready to head out for the next job Dean had booked and Sam knew that, as much as he loved his job, Dean didn’t want to leave.

Sam looked up the specs of the job and was fairly certain he could handle the start of it on his own. When he offered to go out to Chicago alone and let Dean have another two or three weeks with his soulmate his brother was reluctant at first but after Sam assured him he hadn’t had a nightmare in over a month and that he’d be alright on his own, Dean agreed, grateful to have more time with Cas.

Sam arrived in the little suburb of Chicago, Illinois, a day before he needed to meet the client about her car. Having left his Mustang with Bobby when he hit the road with Dean, Sam had flown to Chicago from New Jersey and now found himself in a rental car. He would never admit it to his brother, but he was enjoying driving the quiet, efficient Prius.

Sam drove to the garage where Dean had rented some space for the job and met Garth, the manager. Dean had met the guy through Bobby and Sam liked his positivity and sunny disposition almost immediately. After introductions were made and garth showed Sam around, he returned to his office. 

“We’ll see you tomorrow, then, Sam,” Garth remarked as he shook Sam’s hand and returned to his desk chair.

Sam said his goodbye and as the younger Winchester exited, Garth picked up a newspaper and flipped through the pages before settling on a section to read. Sam heard Garth’s voice through the doorway as he walked away from the office, “Oh Marmaduke, you crazy!”

Sam smiled and laughed to himself as he made his way back to his rental car. It would seem that Garth’s positivity was infectious and Sam had a smile on his face all the way to a little coffee shop he had noticed on the way to the garage. Sam parked in a lot around the corner and hopped out of the Prius, his long strides carrying him into the coffee shop in no time. 

Sam ordered his drink and, once he had it, made his way to the counter with the extras so he could add some creamer. There was someone else at the counter pouring what looked like a pound of sugar into his drink so Sam waited a few paces back. He pulled out his phone to text Dean and let him know that he’d arrived and met with Garth. While he was fiddling with the device, someone ran into Sam and the jolt made him drop his coffee. 

“I’m so sorry,” the man who had been at the counter apologized. “Let me get you a new drink.”

“Oh, it’s alright,” Sam replied, “don’t worry about it, really.” But the shorter man was already gone. He walked right around the counter like he owned the place and pulled one of the employees aside asking her a question as he pointed back to Sam before he set about remaking his drink. 

The man came back around the counter and handed Sam a new cup a size larger than he had ordered. “I’m Gabriel,” the man offered as he somehow managed to corral Sam over towards a table near the windows despite being nearly half his size.

“Uh, Sam, and thanks for the coffee. You really didn’t have to do that,” Sam responded as he sat. He hadn’t intended to stay at the coffee shop but something about the man drew Sam in. “You, uh, you seem very comfortable here.” Sam was floundering for conversation with Gabriel, something he wasn’t particularly used to.

“Oh, yeah,” Gabriel replied, “my brother is the owner. He doesn’t love that I’ll jump behind the counter but he’s a pretentious ass and his employees like me better so no one stops me and he just deals with it.”

Sam laughed at that, a full on belly laugh and it felt good. Some of his hair fell into his face and he pushed the dark locks back, noticing that he must have gotten something in his hair at the garage. The men continued to talk and Sam found that his eyes were drawn to Gabriel’s shirt. Sam wasn’t sure what was so fascinating about it but the way the sun played across the man’s chest the shirt almost looked like it was navy blue.

The men talked and shared stories until both of them had finished their drinks and for some time afterwards as well. Gabriel told Sam about the bakery he ran and how he provided all the baked goods for his brother’s shop, too. Sam shared about the restoration job he would be starting the next day and the work he and Dean had done together over the past few months. Gabriel openly talked about his family and his childhood but if he noticed that Sam didn’t share any stories from farther back than January, he didn’t mention it. 

Gabriel was telling Sam about a prank he played on his brother, something about using chili powder instead of cinnamon in some cookies, that had Sam laughing again when he stopped talking in the middle of a sentence. After a pause he continued, “Sam, I, um…” Gabriel ran a hand through his dark blond hair as he tried to find the words to explain what he was seeing.

Sam took in the look of surprise in Gabriel’s golden eyes and it hit him like a ton of bricks. The reason he’d been drawn to the man, why, after the initial awkwardness of their meeting, it had been so easy to talk with him. His shirt hadn’t looked blue in the light, it was blue. The hair that had fallen in his face didn’t get something in it at Garth’s, it was deep brown. Colors were creeping back into Sam’s life and, from Gabriel’s reaction, it would appear that the same was true for him.

Sam stood from the table, his chair clattering to the ground behind him. This wasn’t happening - it couldn’t be happening - not now and shouldn’t be happening ever. Finding a second soulmate was a romantic notion from Hollywood; it almost never happened in real life and certainly not after only six months…

“I need to go,” Sam said, his voice hard. He quickly made his way to the door and down the street, trying to put as much distance between him and Gabriel before the other man could make it out of the building. 

As Sam turned the corner, he heard the shorter man with the golden eyes shouting, “Sam! Wait!”

Sam ducked into a shop and watched through the window, waiting for Gabriel to pass by in his attempt to find him. Sam gave it another few minutes before he left the shop and jogged to his car before taking off for the motel where he was staying.

Sam pulled up to the motel, thankful for the anonymity of the rental car. It was around dinner time but Sam found that he wasn’t hungry, he just felt queasy. He climbed onto his bed and flipped on the television, looking for a distraction. Instead the half colored, half grayscale images mocked him as his colors slowly came back into focus. Sam pulled up the therapist’s contact info and pressed the call button before he buried his head under his pillows, blocking everything from his view.

The therapist didn’t answer. Sam wasn’t surprised, really; it was well past working hours. He and Gabriel had sat for close to three hours talking in the coffee shop before Sam had unceremoniously rushed out. He pulled the phone from his ear and flipped over to his brother’s contact info, hesitating to call and interrupt his time with Cas. Sam knew he needed to talk with someone but Dean didn’t get much time with Castiel to begin with. Sam considered calling Charlie but dismissed the thought almost immediately, knowing that his friend would overreact to the news. Sighing, Sam resigned himself to interrupting Dean’s evening with Cas and brought the ringing phone to his ear.

Dean picked up after the fourth ring. “Sammy! What’s up? Everything go alright with Garth at the garage?”

“Yeah, yeah, the garage was fine,” Sam confirmed but even he could hear the strain in his own voice.

“Sam, you sound terrible,” Dean replied concerned. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Series Warnings: Soul mate AU, fluff and angst (50/50 split), major character death, fire/arson, mention of suicide (no suicidal ideation, though), depression, internalized homophobia, cursing
> 
> A/N: Chapter 10! It’s the end but don’t be sad because it’s also the longest chapter and, while there’s a little bit of angst to wrap up what happened in the last chapter, it’s more fluffy than angsty.

Sam woke the next morning with the image of golden eyes playing in his mind after they had haunted his dreams all night. At least he had slept through the night, he thought as he steeled himself to open his eyes, praying that it had all been a fluke and that the world would be in black and white once again. But, of course, it wasn’t and Sam felt even more like a terrible person for wishing it was.

Sam showered and shaved knowing full well he’d need another shower at the end of the day and donned his work jeans, an old tshirt, and his boots before heading to a nearby diner for a bite to eat. He decided to try the special, pig-in-a-poke, and then made his way to the garage to meet his client.

He arrived at the garage with a few minutes to spare and poured himself a cup of crappy coffee from Garth’s office. Sam drank the bitter liquid and couldn’t help but be reminded of his afternoon the day before. Dean had offered to join Sam in Chicago, cutting his time with Castiel short but Sam had declined. He would have loved to have his brother around to keep his mind off of his situation now, though. Luckily, his client arrived before he had too much time to dwell on the past day’s events. Sam put on his most charming smile and went out to meet the woman. She was having a 1967 Pontiac Grand Prix restored as a gift for her husband’s 50th birthday. Sam confirmed the budget and the schedule with her and then she was on her way, leaving him to his work.

Sam was able to lose himself in the job, his mind occupied with screws, nuts, and bolts as he disassembled the engine and began cleaning each piece. But soon enough, the repetitive nature of cleaning each of the engine parts allowed his mind to wander and his eyes focused on the deep browns of the oil, the blue of the windshield fluid, and the chipped yellow paint that currently covered the car. The more he noticed and thought about the colors, the worse Sam felt so he threw himself into the work, ignoring the sharp pang of guilt that would surge in his gut whenever his eye was drawn to one of the brightly colored signs in the garage.

He managed to push through a few days of work but mid-day on Friday Sam came to a point where he couldn’t continue work without a part he had ordered on day two of the restoration. It was set to arrive on Monday so he wiped his hands and made his way out of the garage, stopping in Garth’s office to let him know he was calling it a day. He checked the clock in the office and decided to walk the mile or so to the downtown area not far from where he was working. 

After about a half an hour of wandering downtown, Sam found himself walking past the bakery Gabriel had told him he owned. Sam made up his mind and quickly walked away, toward the coffee shop, before he could change his mind. He went into the shop where he had first met Gabriel and ordered. Once he had the drink in hand and a handful of sugar packets in his pocket, Sam pointed himself back in the direction of Gabriel’s bakery. He entered and was greeted by a nice woman with red hair. 

“Um, is Gabriel in?” Sam asked, suddenly feeling self conscious.

“I’m sorry, he’s not,” the woman, Kali according to her name tag, told him. 

“Do you know when he’ll be here next?” Sam questioned.

“I couldn’t tell you,” Kali responded. “He hasn’t been in the past few days, which really isn’t like him.”

Sam’s face fell at that news. He had been so wrapped up in his own emotional drama that he hadn’t really thought about how his actions might have affected Gabriel. If he could go back and relive that day, change how he’d reacted, he’d do it. “I think I know why he hasn’t been in,” Sam confessed. “Could… Could you call him? I need to talk to him.”

Kali narrowed her eyes at Sam but the bakery was fairly empty apart from Sam so she picked up the phone and dialed. Kali spoke quietly into the phone but Sam could still make out some of what she was saying.

“There’s a very attractive man looking for you,” she told the person on the other end of the line, presumably Gabriel. “Tall, long-ish hair… hold on, I’ll ask.” Kali pulled the phone away from her ear and called out, “Hey, is your name Sam?”

“Uh, yeah,” Sam replied, hoping that Gabriel would agree to see him.

“Yeah, he says he’s Sam,” she said, speaking into the phone again. “Uh-huh… uh-huh… You’re freaking kidding me.” Sam watched her face harden as she listened to what Gabriel was telling her. “Are you sure, Gabe? I’ll tell him to fuck off if you want me to; I don’t care how handsome he is… Pff, I’m always nice to the customers. This guy is not a customer. He hasn’t bought anything and he came in here carrying his own coffee. Only reason I didn’t make him throw it out is it’s from Luc’s.”

Kali listened again for a few moment. “Alright, boss. But if you change your mind, just give me the word and he’s out of here.”

Sam had to smile at how protective Gabriel’s employee was of him. She clearly cared for the man and, despite her obvious disdain of him, Sam found he couldn’t help but like her. He watched as she hung up the phone and turned her icy glare on him.

“Gabriel will be in shortly,” Kali told him, her voice cold. “But I swear to you if you’re just here to run out on him again, you might as well do it now because you can be certain I will not stand by idle while you rip out my friend’s heart.”

Those were the last words she said to Sam but he could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head while he waited for Gabriel to arrive. Eventually, the shorter man came into his view and Sam could feel the nerves starting up again. When Gabe made it into the bakery, Sam felt even more terrible than he already had. Gabriel looked like he had barely slept over the past five nights. His once clean-shaven face was sporting the beginnings of a beard and the light that Sam had remembered in his golden eyes had dimmed significantly. 

“What do you want, Sam?” Gabriel asked him.

“I, um,” Sam started, not sure what to say now that Gabriel was in front of him. “I brought you coffee. Sorry it’s kind of cold.” Sam thrust the cup forward and then dug the sugar packets out of his pocket, holding them out for Gabriel to take. 

Gabriel sniffed at the cup, confirming that it was his favorite drink, and took the lid off before handing it to Kali. “Do me a favor and warm this up?” he asked his employee who took the cup and went into the kitchen leaving Sam and Gabriel alone in the front of the shop.

“Why are you here?” Gabriel demanded, his voice hard.

“Look, I… I’m sorry. I never expected to get my colors back and I reacted poorly,” Sam explained.

Gabriel huffed a sardonic laugh, “that’s the understatement of the year.”

“If I could take it all back, I would. In a heartbeat.” Sam had known his actions would have hurt Gabriel but he never would have imagined it would be this bad for the man who had seemed so carefree the afternoon they had met. “I still feel like the colors are taunting me but none of that is your fault and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, no matter how unintentional that may have been.”

“Taunting you? Taunting YOU? You’re the one who ran out on me but the colors are taunting you,” Gabriel replied, surprised with how steady his voice was. “A guy waits his whole life to see the world in…” Gabriel’s voice trailed off as Sam’s words caught up with him. “Wait, you never expected to get your colors back? You’ve had them? And… and lost them?”

Sam convinced himself that he must have imagined that Gabriel’s voice wasn’t quite as hard as he took a deep breath and prepared to tell the man his story. “I met Jess our freshman year of college. She was everything I had ever thought I wanted in a soulmate. She was killed by someone we believed was a friend.”

“Sam, I’m sorry,” Gabriel replied, his voice weak but sincere. “How long… You’re so young, how long ago did you lose her?”

“It’s only been about six months,” Sam confided.

“Ah…” Gabriel sighed, “everything makes so much more sense,” he admitted, barely whispering. Hope was starting to swell in his chest - it wasn’t that Sam had found something wrong with or undesirable about him - but he knew that hope was still a risky emotion to be entertaining so he did his best to tamp it down.

“Just because it makes sense doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do,” Sam replied. “Look, Gabriel, I can’t dive into this head first. I’ve only recently really started to deal with Jessica’s death - I kind of shut down for the first five or so months after - but I’d really like to get to know you more. If you’ll have me, as messed up as I am.”

“You’re not messed up, Sam,” Gabriel said with conviction. “And I can do slow if that’s what you need. Just, don’t run again. Please?”

Before Sam could answer, Kali came out from the kitchen. Sam was pretty sure she had been listening just beyond the door the whole time but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. She handed Gabriel his coffee and continued to glare at Sam, though he thought it might have been a little softer of a glare, at least.

“I don’t think my assistant manager likes you much,” Gabriel observed.

Sam laughed at that. “I really can’t blame her, if I’m being honest,” he said with a smile. It was the first genuine smile Sam had had on his face since he had run out of the coffee shop earlier that week. “I’ll just have to work on winning her over.”

—-

Sam had settled in Chicago after one more year of traveling with his brother. He and Gabriel had talked on the phone daily during that year and he and Dean took regular breaks from working in order to spend time with their soulmates. Castiel had graduated seminary and he and Dean had also moved to Chicago, where the blue eyed man was now working toward his Ph.D. 

He had started off living with Dean and Cas but within six months, Sam found himself moving into Gabriel’s condo, both to give his brother and future brother-in-law some space and so that he could be closer to the man with the golden eyes. It wasn’t long after that Sam noticed he was spending more nights in Gabriel’s bed than in his own. A month and a half after Sam had moved in, Gabriel found himself cleaning out half of his closet to make room for his soulmate’s clothes and he smiled at the realization that Sam’s room had seamlessly transitioned back to being called the guest room.

—-

It was three years since the brothers had set up shop in Chicago and most days Sam would work with Dean in their restoration business but when there were only one or two cars, he would help out at Gabriel’s bakery, leaving Dean and their employees to see to the cars. This was one of those low weeks at the garage and he found himself behind the counter in the bakery while Gabriel and Kali experimented with some cookie flavors in the kitchen. Sam couldn’t believe that only a few short years ago, he was in this space feeling smothered by the bright icing on the cupcakes and the colorful sugar sprinkled on the cookies, all the while promising to earn Gabriel’s trust and friendship. Now, the bakery had become one of his favorite places.

For the first year of his relationship with Gabriel, Sam couldn’t walk into the bakery without getting some major side-eye from Kali but she had eventually gotten over her disdain for him once she had been convinced that he was serious about her friend (not to mention being on the receiving end of a good amount of badgering from Gabriel himself). Over the next few years, the pair would still pick at and tease one another but it was all in good fun; Sam had come to love her like a sister.

Sam was just finishing with a customer when Gabriel came out of the kitchen, a cookie in his hand. “Open up, kiddo,” Gabriel commanded.

Sam did as he was told and opened his mouth for Gabriel to feed him the cookie. He chewed for a minute, letting the flavors play on his tongue. “Mmmmm…” was all Sam could respond, his mouth still full of cookie.

“Maple glazed apple crisp,” Gabriel explained.

Sam swallowed the cookie, “that’s delicious Gabe.”

The shorter man hopped up to sit on the counter and Sam leaned in to give him a chaste kiss. 

“Hey, Samsquatch, I’ve been thinking about something and I wanted to talk to you about it,” Gabriel tested.

“Ok, shoot,” Sam responded as he walked to wash his hands after handling the cash the last customer had handed him.

“So, I know you like working with your brother and you don’t mind helping out around here but I also know it’s not what you wanted to do. I started to do some research; The University of Chicago has a pretty well respected law school and your LSAT score is still valid for another year or so. I was just thinking you should apply. I’m sure you could get some letters of recommendation from your professors at Stanford and as brilliant as you are, the University would be lucky to have you.” Gabriel had barreled through his speech, worried about Sam’s reaction to his prying.

When Gabriel finally looked at Sam, he found the man looking back at him with a smirk.

“Hey, Gabriel. I’ve been thinking about something and I wanted to talk to you about it,” Sam parroted his words from earlier as he advanced on Gabe and put his hands on the counter, one on each side of Gabriel’s hips, boxing the man in. “I’ve been thinking about the same thing, Gabe. About going back to school and actually getting my law degree. I’d still help out at the garage and around here when I could but I think I’m ready to get back into academia. I want to be out there helping people. When I was a kid I always kind of pictured myself saving people, hunting things hidden in obscure laws in order to win the case for the little guy. The family business was never on my radar.” Sam paused and sighed. “I’ve got a lot more research to do if I’m going to apply but I really think I want to go for it, Gabe.”

Gabriel smiled up at Sam. “I was thinking about heading out early; Kali can close up shop here. You can look at some more school stuff when we get home while I do my best to distract you and lure you into our bedroom.”

Gabriel slid down Sam’s body as he hopped down from the counter and raised up on his tiptoes to give Sam a brief kiss before he turned to duck back into the kitchen. As Gabriel walked past him, Sam gave him a swat on the ass, sending his soulmate off to say his goodbye with a wink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it! I hope you enjoyed!! And please check out the art here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10261862


End file.
